Once upon a quiet morn, beneath the watchful gaze of grey clouds, I set myself to the charming endeavours of home, for there were treasures to be made anew and comforts to weave for this beloved cottage. By that wise soul Sarah Ban Breathnach, it is said that true contentment is the art of discovering wonder in the humblest corners. And indeed, I took to heart her counsel on making a home with what we have on hand and not what we wistfully wish it would hold.
First, I turned my attention to a simple, round and sturdy crock that once held flour, oats, or perhaps brined cabbage in its distant past. Though worn by time and emptied of its purpose, it seemed quite eager to serve once more. With careful hands, I applied a delicate stencil of letters- just the sort of simplistic embellishment I imagine might have graced my English granny's larder. When it was complete, I stood back, pleased as a child on Christmas Eve. And there it was: a noble vessel, reimagined for my eggs each morning, which would henceforth nestle cosily within its flour-dusted embrace.
Then, as the kitchen clock struck noon, I came to the matter of my apron. One cannot make a proper home without the garments to do so, and I must confess, I've longed for something that might boast both pride and practicality. Rummaging through my cupboard, I found an ole' bedsheet of faded floral print, soft with age but sturdy still. I folded and stitched by lamplight, humming a tune that seemed to lift from the depths of memory. At last, it was complete- an apron of simple yet noble design, as suited for baking bread as it was for gathering herbs from the garden.
With each creation, I felt the very bones of the cottage grow stronger, knit together by the love and attention bestowed upon it.
My darlings, I hope you are well and fit. I am sending you all my love. Our little Christmas bunny book will be out ere' in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
Did you pour yourself a cup of tea? My favourite nittens to do for a cosy, happy day of "Following My Bliss" is to make several beverages (my darling, I am a Pisces, after all, and so, of course, I keep several beverages) at my secretary whilst I am either writing or painting little storybooks. I make a cup of tea in a bone china teacup and saucer. One, in bone china, from England because it holds the heat in for such a long time, and two, i want to always feel like a lady, hence why i only use a teacup, not a beastly ole' enormous coffee mug. Smile.
Let's prattle about the different moods and flavours for September, October, and November. December, I will prattle about it at a later time. They consist of a hot spice from Harney and Sons and, of course, Fortnum and Mason. It is divine. I then add my yummy brown sugar cubes (from England; here's the link to the ones I am mad for, and you will be mad as well), a smidge of vanilla creamer and a dollop of whipped cream atop my tea. Alongside my tea, i always keep my mason jar of sparkling Lacroix. (Mermaids must always remain hydrated. It is the makeup of our landlocked enlightened bodies, my darlings. It also keeps one's face as an angelic doll, wards off headaches, etc.)
Jeffrey Shawn and I are presently back home from our sweet little vacation to see my daughter get married and ultimately see and reunite with my two boys (i have three sons, but as you know, Sawyer made his transition in 2019). I dont mean to create a damper of this post; however, this is my playground, and i speak about what suits my fancy, and i am a human being, not a happy bag ragdoll Annie all of the time. After almost near to a decade of parental alienation, i was able to reunite with my boys, and we have mended our hearts.
Dear friends, i want to share my heart with you and big you up a bit, most especially if you've ever struggled with existing in a narcisitic relationship and have experienced parental alienation. I am here to encourage you that manifestation works. It always works, my darling. If you've grappled, remember there is nothing you can not be, do or have in life. You must be courageous, persistent and tenacious.
"No grit, no pearl."
I am currently in the cottage all cosy, spending my day with the rabbit and kittens whilst i paint the few illustrations i have left for The Tale of the Christmas Bunnies. I was hoping to have the book out on October 7th. However, that isn't going to happen. It is still set for October, though.
Let me tell you about our trip to Oklahoma. We rented our chariot, drove on our adventure, and stayed in the historic village of Guthrie, Oklahoma. Whenever i can stay in a landmark location, i would always rather do so than stay in a modern place. I was able to bond more closely with my daughter and my two precious boys, Carter and Brooker. It has been a little over nine years since I've seen my two boys, and i did quite a bit of manifesting using the law of assumption, and we were able to mend and heal our hearts.
Have you ever been to Oklahoma? Well, Guthrie is a historic town with lovely little antique shops, the most extensive historical Victorian pharmacy, and the hotel Dominion House (above) is absolutely glorious. Of course, that's where Jeffrey and I would choose to stay. Isn't it glorious and wonderful! I love that my husband adores old architecture and historical places like myself. I dreamt and manifested that i would have a lovely chap who wore newsboy caps, loved to antique and garden, and also enjoyed history as much as me, and finally, after twenty-plus years, i found him. Never give up on your dreams, my friends. It is always possible to begin chasing your dreams. I promise, friend.
I promise to share more lovely bits of the wedding and the fun places so you can enjoy them, too. You might even find yourself staying there someday. I've decided to bring you along more to deepen our friendship. Isn't that a fun notion? You must understand the five years I've been healing and in hermit mode was so that i could deeply heal all of my chakras continue to work on myself deeply; and i believe i did so very well, and i indeed would say that I've reinvented myself. You know, my darling, when you want to change your life and become the greatest version of yourself, you must kill off the old you. There is no way to be a new version of yourself if one doesn't recreate that new version and live in that knowing. For example, if you know anything about the law of assumption, you know you must persist in the desire until it hardens into fact. If you desire an old-fashioned life, slow living cottage core, homesteading, and being a New York Times best-seller, you must embody that version of yourself.
Remain in the state until the 3D reality shows itself. You may say to me, Razzy, but I tried manifesting, and it didn't work, to which i would say, well, why did you stop visualising? You do not quit until it hardens into fact. Full stop! It must imprint your subconscious mind. You continue forward no matter what. You continue even when the world is showing you nothing is happening. When people are laughing at you, telling you you're drinking seawater, you've gone off, it's never going to happen for you, keep counting you out, etc. You keep going. Tell yourself someone is getting off the treadmill and giving up the race, and it's not going to be you. It's you when they pull your cold, dead hands from it, and that's the only way you're giving up. There's no such thing as giving up. It doesn't exist in my world.
The only way most women will have this sort of determination, though, is if they rewire their subconscious minds with new beliefs. If they don't, it will never happen to them. This lack of understanding of the law of assumption is why the world isn't full of profoundly strong-willed people. Many will say they are strong, but as soon as something gets really tough, they falter rather than pivot. It's because of a lack of self-belief and faith. One's mindset is foundationally built. When a wave of uncertainty or struggle happens, one can't hack it and give up. Look around at how many folks fail or stop trying. There are loads of people. They decide, "It's too hard, and surrender." Learn to rest when it's formidable. We all have a trying time here and there but do not give up. Just rest and re-energise yourself and begin again! I think of it like swimming. When i was tired from swimming, i didn't stop altogether; i merely rested and relaxed to a float until i gained my strength and began again. We all need to take a respite, and if someone acts like they never struggle, they're not being transparent. Every human being grapples with difficulties at one time or another. We are humans experiencing a human life, and difficulty is a part of the earth's schooling.
My darling, these high and mighty folks who act as though they have a perfect life are full of rubbish. Watch what people do, not what they say. I always watch patterns of what people exhibit. If it looks like a skettle of fish, it usually stinks, and time will tell. It always does.
{Download Channelled message from Spirit}
"Heaven is within. We all carry the consciousness of Christ, and we are all Gods. When you begin to understand truth for what it is and not what we were taught as young ones, that is where sovereignty lies. You will be unrestricted and expand to become the most excellent version of yourself. We are now in the time of Christ's Consciousness. The essence of Christ will now reign, and no one can do anything about it. Religion will no longer be the focus the way it was during the reign of Pisces, and the spiritual (meek) will inherit the earth. We will all come back to the way it was before. There is a new earth (metaphorical), and you will jump timelines, no longer in the old world if you are enlightened. If not, you will fall off with the old world. We will return to grassroots, community-driven ways of life, utilising in exchange goods and services from one another, handmade, trade, bartering, using old travel such as horses, walking and bicycling (prepare your bicycles), canning, wearing old clothing, sewing, and homesteading. The men will be required to build through an organic template of housing, and the women will cook and nurture. It will be another coming together to help and assist. For example, I will have gardens full of food, chickens, holistic medicine, and fresh water. For instance, Sally will have pumpkins and corn down the lane. We will travel to and fro in exchange for our needs being met. We will go back to bartering and caring for each other. We will love one another as ourselves, understanding that we are all one in consciousness. The age of Aquarius is here. What a beautiful time it is to be alive! Do not fear; do not be a hearer only of the word. You must be a doer of the word. Let us go into the silence."
Okay, i am back to painting. I hope your Sunday is lovely.
If you desire preparedness, here is a little ticklist i have had for decades. Copy it and make a few up for your family, and if you can add in an extra one, give it to someone in need. Making up 72-hour kits and sending them to other parts where they are destitute would be a terrific service project.
As of late, I have been a most industrious little mermaid, swimming through the tides of creativity! Should ye not yet be aware, I've been faithfully uploading videos to ye' ol' YouTube channel, and there I share my latest dainty paintings, along with the tender tales that inspired each creation. I've also been sharing the delightful notions I've been getting up to.
I thought it might delight those among ye who are interested in possessing a piece of my artwork. For I do believe it is a rare and wondrous thing, not merely to paint from one's imagination but to weave a story behind the very strokes upon the paper. The "why" of each painting, dear hearts, is as important as the colours themselves. For oft have I found that, without the telling of my tales, the passion and purpose that drives my hand may become lost upon those who behold the final piece?
This awakening has stirred within me as I've begun to open mine own throat chakra, which hath been locked tight for many a season. It is only now that I plunge into the depths of what caused this silencing, and through much reflection, I've penned this passage, which I recently shared on Instagram. I felt it might serve thee as well, and so, I have blot copied it below for thy hearts to ponder:
"'Tis known to me that many a fair woman suffers under the heavy burden of impostor thoughts. I, too, once wrestled with the cruel whisper that I was unworthy. Yet this, dear ones, is not valid. In our tender years, we oft stifled our natural knowing of our creative divinity, leaving us to believe the falsehood that we cannot share our gifts freely when haunted by these fears.
When one feels the weight of such doubts, it is but a manifestation of insecurity and fraudulence—a reflection of an imbalance in the root chakra and is a calling for restoration and healing.
To reshape these beliefs, one must first journey into the hidden corners of the mind, impressing upon the subconscious in the twilight hours, when the veil between the waking world and the realm of dreams is thin. It is here, in the quiet of night, that transformation begins.
By nightfall, when slumber beckons, allow gentle affirmations to play softly, guiding your mind as you slip into the embrace of Morpheus. Let these sacred utterances seep into the deepest recesses of your being, where they shall take root and blossom. With each eve, the shadows of old beliefs shall wane, giving way to a new dawn. We must fortify the root chakra, and then you shall stand tall, as steadfast as the oak tree, unshaken by the tempests of doubt.
Thus, by night's tender hand, your mind and spirit shall be renewed, and with them, the very essence of your being."
Ah, 'tis a marvel, is it not, how the telling of our story connects us as creators—artists and writers alike—to those whom we might call our soul family. For it is not merely the painting itself that resonates but the heart and story behind the brush. Those who collect my works are not merely purchasing a piece of art—they are acquiring the very soul of the tale that brought it to life. And so, without further ado, allow me to dive into the deep and share my latest creations with you.
The story behind the little bespoke painting below is that I had been determining a torn emotion between remaining in the US and commencing a return to Europe to experience a new beginning in the English countryside, this time living near Sawrey, where Beatrix Potter lived.
(40$ + S&H An original watercolour on a hand-torn 300# Arches block soaked in floral tinctures made from my garden here at the cottage and painted with ocean salt water from the sea in my little village.)
I've been channelling Beatrix Potter and Tasha Tudor for over seven years. I know that is why i can embody so many connected measures between these two women and myself. As I channel intuitively and embrace my unique gifts, which I've known I've had for decades (after my near-death experience at 21), i am now most comfortable with allowing my spiritual advantages to be known. As my throat chakra opened and I accepted myself more fully, I became less fearful of sharing my truths.
It is now near autumnal season, and the winds are again changing. Have you ever felt like me, caught between two worlds? Your heart tells you one thing, and your rational mind tells you another?
Perhaps this little painting might be a reminder to her new owner that we must follow where the heart leads and never mind the rest.
The story behind this painting is that I desire to grow beautiful flowers, create a garden similar to Tasha Tudor and have darling little kittens on my farm, which i do at present. I'm making headway on the garden, which is coming along splendidly; however, it is oft' times we need sweet little reminders of pick me up that where we are is perfect and that we are making progress, although it seems slow and steadily becoming what we dream. Father Time presents us with a slow-moving process in this out-picturing. At times, our circumstances in life may not be ideal, but we must remain steadfast. All signs of movement are essential to celebrate, and our fairytale life will actualise. It's a painting of remaining faithful.
Do you see, my darling, that you, too, can touch everything in your life and turn it into gold?
40$ + s&h An original bespoke watercolour, Little Woman, soaked in floral tinctures made from my cottage garden, and the water is from the seaside here in my little village.
And lastly, my dear mermaid hearts, i want to bring you up to snuff with the launch date of The Tale of the Christmas Bunnies. The publish date will be October 7th, 2024.
Therefore, I think it will be quite a success as there will be much ado in the advancement for lovely folks to collect the little storybooks for Christmas. It would be a delightful book for stockings or little treasures for all whims of encouragement that the wishing well of dreams does come true.
Have a fabulous day, and i look forward to having a prattle tattle tea with you tomorrow, toodle-pip. If you, by chance, happen to be on Instagram, I will be live at half past 4pm today, September 17th, 2024. We will discuss all notions of manifestation, the cottage core community, and how to embody the mermaid goddess spirit. Set your timers, prepare your tea and scones, and we shall have a prattle. We will have a whale of a time, my dear Stillwater~Petticoat Society friends.
In the last few weeks, I have sorted clothing, crafting items, old scrapbooking containers, supplies, books, furniture, childhood diaries, paintings, ideas, theories, and my thoughts, dear me.
My cherished mermaid hearts, at long last, I believe I have captured that coveted Victorian old-timey charm I’ve so ardently sought for our dear cottage. As you may recall, the windows, though fashioned of modern white plastic, have been artfully transformed to mirror the visage of a stone cottage with a thatched roof. Next year, we shall embark upon the stoning of the exterior and, thereafter, replace the tin roof with one of thatched design in the manner of Somerset.
It strikes me as a most wondrous manifestation, for if you gaze upon the painting of Mrs Threadgoode’s cottage in "The Tale of the Christmas Bunnies" (due out next month, as shown in the illustration below), the likeness is uncanny. It reveals how we, as conscious creators, continually weave the fabric of our reality through the loom of imagination. Indeed, there is an out-picturing of our inner visions.
I concocted the green paint swatch with my own hands for the original hue hails from Beatrix Potter’s Hilltop home in Sawrey. Alas, as the paint company in the UK does not dispatch their wares across the seas, I procured the swatch and matched it myself. With this homemade swatch in hand, I ventured to Lowe’s, where I crafted my own sample, later perfected by the fine artisans at Sherwin-Williams. Undoubtedly, Sherwin-Williams stands as the finest purveyor of paints, a venerable Victorian establishment founded in 1866. I have christened this hue with my own title—'Sage and Pickle.'
Indeed, all of the research for my "A Victorian Mermaid (Louis Vuitton) Agenda" (a planner that has manifesting, self-development, time management and the critical elements to building a beautiful "Take Joy" fairytale life) is all due to my decades of study, theory, systematic testing, organisation of mindset work and efficient time management skills. My teachings and my planner kits (all individually handmade, by the way) will be the manifestation of my years of self-mastery and skill. That sounded a bit like I was 'bigging' myself up, and i make no bones about it. I am rather boastful regarding my organisational time management skills, darling. You know, as well as I do, that we must be our own best cheering advocate. Upon this cheering of myself, please afford yourself the notion I believe deeply in myself. In order to be able and complete in stating that boldly, it took me decades to do with the deep inner work of healing all of my chakras and in regards to my religious wounds and trauma. I am so proud of myself because today, I can say that with no one's help and all of my blood, sweat, and tears, I accomplished what many women never do in a lifetime. I fully intend to share my processes with you in the coming months.
I have a well-detailed book to arrive on shelves in January (the above photo is a bit cropped, but it will look relatively close to this with a few bits of gold trim on the sides), as well as my planner kits and programs you will be able to purchase. I want to share and teach women how to heal themselves and reach their most tremendous potential. Once upon a time, not so long ago, I desired for everyone to be a part of my programs and teachings. However, my darling, as I've expanded even more so and healed nearly all of my trauma, I now conclude this space here is where only high-vibrational women feel compelled to participate in our self-love voyage. This assumption is not a consideration of anything other than we as bygone mermaids wading in our mirrored reflection of matching our likeness to another equalled vibrational bygone mermaid. In fact, low vibrational landlocked women will not want to be a part of our (Stillwater- A Petticoat Society) mermaid community because, as you know, in spirituality, one must be equally yoked with another. A low-frequency person will find the notions we discuss (the particulars i speak about here and on ye ol' tube) a bit off-putting. They can't resonate with high vibrational mermaid beings; the law simply doesn't work that way.
In addition, I feel you should also regard yourself as a wondrous marvel, a gem of the rarest kind, whose brilliance doth illuminate the very fabric of existence.
My blog doth serve as a sanctuary for Bygone Mermaids (ladies) of the highest celestial vibration, where only those of the most exalted essence may gather and partake in the splendour of elevated discourse. Our lives, tho', without perfection, were not intended for the original admonition of 'The Great Creator's' objective. The aim was continually purposeful to advancement and expandedness, to rediscover our fierce resilience, build faith (trust) and Take Joy. We are to create our heaven, our mindset of conscious reality. My life has repeatedly found favour from the highest; therefore, this is why i so deeply love sharing with you, my dear mermaid hearts; how very much when we assemble here, we exchange love and a like-minded connotation of belonging.
You must know, indeed you must, that all of my prattling on this blog, Instagram, and YouTube is because I profoundly want to enable women to become their most excellent versions of themselves. In my humble opinion, we as women have gone on for far too long, mustering against one another rather than converging. I am not here to do this work for you but rather to guide you through your navigational map, your true north. Anyone claiming to be of the collective must never hinder one's sovereignty nor translate a dependence upon another soul. For one, this mindset is located on the lowest scale of the map of consciousness and breeds low frequency. One, i do not encourage leaning on someone. We must learn to trust ourselves, for when folks rely on another at the expense of losing their self-worth, personal empowerment is detrimental and creates false idolatry. I've seen many o' people practise this with pastors, bishops, men of the cloth, and celebrities. It also creates dependence in a "leader" where their ego becomes inflated with disadvantages of glorification as idol notions of thinking one person is above another.
I have been working out all the bits and bobs for my planner kits; therefore, I will have everything lovely, pleasantly beautiful, and organised. I plan to create each planner kit by hand, dear ladies. I can relatively quickly remind myself that we are cheering and tethered together as friends.
I enjoy pondering life in my old Victorian cosy chair by the terrace window. The bird feeder hanging in Sawyer's pear tree is rather enjoyable. I like to sit and perch in my ol' Victorian seat as if i am a mermaid queen. In the last five years (can you believe we've been here at my folks that long), as i am a bit like Goldilocks in trying to find a spot where i can engage in the solemn quietness of slow living, I have missed having my own little chipmunks nest, which is why i must sort and organise. My serenity and productivity in working on my art, manuscripts, or planner kits are essential. My moon sign is in cancer, and i have prominent Virgo house placements, which is why i am an extreme perfectionist and highly organised. By the way, that is a good thing; when the requirement is efficiency and accomplishments, I am your go-to buzzy lass.
I created a little sitting room for my Beloved Gardener, Jeffrey Shawn, and me. I have taken some time away from social media due to the several programs I've been writing about, planning our first social gathering at Chinsegut Hill, and my two books coming out within months.
Last week, i posted several videos on ye ol' tube, and i shall leave you with this one, which i think you might enjoy.
My darling, do not be remiss. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel, like, and comment, as this allows the algorithm to go all abuzz, and my mermaid message in a bottle will spread far and wide upon the ocean seas. Thank you in advance for heeding the call.
I love you, and as always, i am most affably yours til my next swim.
I hope you are well. Let me share a few measures with you. I've been toiling away in the cottage, where Jeffrey Shawn and I finished all the painting, organising and completing the cottage. Well, there are a few more bits to cover, but for the most part, it is ship shape and bristol fashion. We have three more 10-foot-long shelves to install near the top of the ceiling, which will take place at the weekend; however, other than that and a few other bits and bobs, we have officially completed the cottage. I'm stretched out on our antique bed now, and I'm penning this post for ye ole' blog.
What else have i been getting up to, you ask?
I have been creating an exclusive Twin Flame Manifestation Program with loads of modules and interactive discords, which is taking up most of my time (and i will share a whole article about it in tomorrow's post, along with my next YouTube video). Today, I am finally talking about launching what will become ongoing retreats and small social gatherings sponsored by The Carter Settlement in collaboration with Chinsegut Hill & The Retreat Centre.
Therefore, without further ado, here is the advertisement for the first gathering at Chinsegut Hill. If you are interested in attending, please sign up quickly using the link at the bottom of this post, as there are limited spots. I understand it is early in August, and there is much time between now and then; however, the spots will go rather quickly, so if you think it would be something you would enjoy, I would not diddle daddle, darling. I have already sold three seats. Take a moment and read all the fun details. Do you recognise the Victorian mermaid? It is Elizabeth Robins, the (America-born) British actress who purchased Chinsegut Hill and lived there for a bit of time before moving back to Sussex, her 15th-century rambling on the outskirts of Henfield called "Backsettown." If you recall, Elizabeth is the protagonist of my novel Deceit and Dissension.
Did you make a cup of tea? I made my very first Victoria Sponge Cake. I cleaned out a pretty ol' flower tin and lined it with wax paper for the leftover bits of cake, as, according to the chef for The Queen, that is what one does with the uneaten bits.
I thoroughly love the art of letter writing. As early as I can recall, being a young girl capable of holding a writing instrument (pencil), I diligently worked to master not only my penmanship but also letter writing. The art of letter writing has kept me in good stead for life as my soul led me quite early on once captured. Once, whilst in my thirties, I made the New Year's resolution to write five letters to friends weekly for an entire year. I never missed it once. Of all five ladies, with the exclusion of one friend, correspondence was not reciprocated. To this day, I still cherish those letters from my friend Debby. I have letters and cards stored away in my father's smithy saved from childhood. My darling, dear reader and friend, as you know, I created {Raquel's Letterbox in-the-Hedge}, which you can find here and write to me. Feel free to write whatever you'd like to your heart's content. You can ask me questions if you'd like or send me whatever you feel inspired to. I constructed this particular notion as another way to reflect on times gone by. I look upon the Victorian era as best as I can and strive to impart my thoughts and findings to you, dear heart. I believe quite strongly there are many women similar to me (perhaps not as daring and adventurous) regarding the Victorian way of life in general but with particular subjects like letter writing, most definitely. I have been fascinated with the Victorian era since childhood. I love imparting my knowledge and discoveries. My concept of hearkening baxk to the good ol' days of letter writing will attract my kind of woman, a like-minded sort. I have been working most diligently these last several years to embark on my way of life as a Victorian, through living as much as i can daily as a Victorian. Many challenges arise.
One of those things is that it is relatively rare for many to share the same obsession with Victorian living as I do. I am not upset or disillusioned by this notion; far be it, i have concluded that it sets me apart from others. Conceivably, my silver lining, darling. Do not be under the impression I am putting on airs and that I do not understand that everything is never what it seems. The dynamics of one's life are full of mystery, is it not? We are in a constant state of growth. We as women are so full of possibility and wonderment, and I immensely admire that about us; we are individually so very unique. Whereas i am making great strides to learn historically all i can and then to incorporate those bits into my real life, it is an ongoing voyage and always will be.
This concept of letter writing is in hopes that it will attract my kind of folks. Throughout these past few years, i have endeavoured to create a little Victorian society of a bygone era where women and young women alike can bond over old-fashioned notions. In 2019, when my dear boy transitioned, I decided to dive even more deeply into living as Victorian as possible. That began with my clothing and wearing a corset. Now, mind you, it was not an overnight process once I decided to embark on this ongoing venture. Even more so, my findings have been that there aren't too many other souls that I have met or learned of that are quiteso smitten to the degree I am. I do understand that many folks like the idea of an old-fashioned life; however, when it truly comes to the bits and bobs of such a life (with exceptions, of course), I have found they like to decorate and, on occasion, wear some collected Victorian period clothing to a tea party for example. Other than that, they turn their nose to the notion of actually attempting to live like a Victorian.
Now, as I have shared previously, if you were to pop in to visit me at my little Scarlette Rose cottage, the illusion may break your heart.I say this because as much as i do have an old icebox and lanterns for lighting, i currently have to use a hot plate, as i haven't saved enough financially yet to afford my 19th-century wood-burning stove. The one I've been eyeing is well over 6000 dollars. Nor have I yet to save the funds for the exterior stone or thatching to envelop the cottage, and the outhouse requires a 3000-dollar commode. I have to follow a specific code for an outhouse configuration. I will get there eventually, though, don’t you worry? All is well, and when i do, i will invite you to tea. However, i do not allow any of those sorts of drawbacks to waiver me in my desires, for what would the fun of life be if we had everything at a moment's notice? In truth, we would be as bored as one could be. Our world is based on gravitational pull. Furthermore, our dear little hearts couldn't take things in an instantaneous manner.
Inherently, our lives are achieved by softly falling into place with ease and delight. The ticket is to learn to embrace this notion, which is not as easy to acquire for most folks. I am creating a sweet bequest of a Victorian english cottage. I am an American, although I moved to Europe when I was six weeks old. My father was in the war. I always think that living in Europe at such a young age significantly impacted my psyche. Call me mad; however, my mum is right mad for English too and has always been since I can remember drawing breath.
I am currently sitting in my parlour (makeshift sewing area) with kerosene light all aglow. All the world is quiet. I have a hot cup of Fortnum and Mason tea as I write to you. I enjoy handwriting the post for the blog and then transcribing it onto the computer. It suits me well, and there's something about (and scientific proof it relates to the brain of connection) when we physically write. I think the actual writing of the hand and stringing words together sounds lovelier than merely typing onto a screen anyway. Many hearts have stood broken upon visiting Tasha Tudor Little Corgi Cottage. I have heard many women declare they lost the fantasy of illusion upon discovering that Tasha Tudor had a little modern kitchen off the back of her home for appliances. First, one must understand that the art of becoming a Victorian woman is not instantaneous, just as in real life; there are seasons and gestational periods; nothing happens overnight. In this manner, I look very forward to daily visits to the post-awaiting keenly. I am faintly dissatisfied with the modern envelopes these days; hence, when I send you letters in return, I must ask the post to hand cancel each letter as thee' ol' wax and seal will not go through the machine. Have a lovely day, and i look forward to hearing from you.
"One cannot connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down and has made all the difference in my life." ~Steve Jobs
I reviewed my royalty sales records at the weekend and realised I had worked as an official author and illustrator for six years.
Today, I've decided to focus on my books and my blog writing with intense clarity. I have been doing well in remaining consistent, but I realise my passion and consistency have not been up to par, and I should hone my craft more than ever. I've spent so many years wanting to have a beautiful home, my "Cottage of Belonging," to feel like I can write and do my best work, not realising I AM doing my best work now. I am very proud of myself regardless of what others would ever say. I am a New York Times best-selling author because I decided that several years ago. Let them call us delusional, for it's the delusional ones who change the world. Hell or high water, my spirit is determined. I have beat the odds; no more looking to the future of "then I'll be happy." I am resetting myself to remain firmly focused and aligned. My greatest passion and most profound love is my writing. It is how I make sense of the world.
Most importantly, i must remain focused on my writing at all costs. Until a few days ago, the excuse was that because I am a Pisces constantly all over the place, that was acceptable, and I couldn't change it, but that is a silly ol' belief. I am changing that belief as it serves me not an ounce of value. Furthermore, many successful folks are Pisces. That's not to say it has ever been a bad thing. Still, after several days of hypnosis, I think my subconscious mind is guiding me to my most authentic self. At the heart of who I am, yes, an artist and many other things, but a writer is who I am at my core. My writing has never betrayed me. Letters and words have literally saved my life. Quite honestly, when Sawyer died, the first thing I did was write a little storybook to heal my heart. That book then took four years to release into the world because as beautiful as it was to write, I couldn't bring myself to illustrate it. To illustrate, I had to reread my manuscript, and the words hurt me deeply. The little scenarios in the book were actual events that occurred in life. I had to take a tragedy and turn it into a triumph of never-ending happiness. Therefore, the manuscript went into a cupboard for years until I could come to terms with the death. In addition, the book represented my child, so in essence, i felt as long as i held onto that book, i was keeping my boy with me, and no one could take him from me, but once I let go, I was in my heart letting him go. Dear friend, I could not do it straight away. It tore my heart out, so I sat with those feelings and allowed myself permission to feel the pain. I had to allow myself to grow, walk through all the steps, and know it was all okay.
My mum (well-intentioned and wanting to help) said to me, "You just need to understand that he's in a better place and that I needed to stop using the "F" word so much." Don't ever tell a mother that. That was the day I let Hell's fury on her because no one has the right to say to a mother how to heal the death of their child. I know my mum meant well, so mum, if you’re reading this, you know i adore you.
If I want to angrily scream at the top of my lungs or use profanities, then that is what a mother gets to do. Do not ever think one must be appropriate. If I am not hurting anyone, I can grieve how I choose, and I'll not stand for any of that nonsense on stilts from folks who haven't a clue of such pain.
If I have to write for decades undiscovered, that is what I'll do; although, I do not believe that will happen. I have a mission and a life purpose. My work is bigger than me, and I am built for this.
Do you know a woman said to me in an email once when I released Sawyer's book "The Tale of Sawyer Lamb" last year on his birthday, and I quote, "Who cares you wrote a stupid children's book? Anyone can write a dumb children's book? It doesn't take much to string a sentence or two together. You're not special or smart."
So when anyone wonders about the things done to me by others and Sawyer's father specifically (because he should've been a person there for me as i am the mother of his children) when my boy passed, you will understand after reading my book, "The Little Mermaid's Transformational Tale why i struggled so deeply." I have consistently beat the odds. After spending decades, my sanity tested, endeavouring to drive me to madness, I almost took my own life. No, and that wasn't even enough; I then endured heinous things behind the scenes to make me appear crazy to those who knew me. This kind of tactic from a narcissist is what I am also writing in my book. This kind of abuse must be brought to the open, because perhaps if i had known what was happening it wouldn't have taken me almost three decades to leave a marriage. The viper-tongued person never bargained for my resilience, nor that I would expose him, which is me using my voice for the many women who can't or, should I say, feel they can't. At least not right now, but i believe, given the permission, more women will come forward.
I love my work and myself; and im not going to feel bad in saying that. The only way to do great work is to love what I do. I will write for myself and for you.
