6 Guaranteed Reasons I Won't Be Reading Your Blog

My dear friends, 

The audacity in that there title. As If, Raquel. Are you anything like me, and your brain doesn't have an "off" button? We are genuinely friends then.

If you have a blog or read blogs, I bet you'll relate to me on this one. Now I won't be all pernickety about this part, and truth be known we all have things we like and dislike about our blog authors. I'm the first one to admit that I love me a good ol' blog and If I find one that I love I'll share it till the cows come home. However, If I stumble upon a blog and there's one of the 6 reasons below that I'm about to babble on about, you can bet your sweet lassy, I'm out, as fast as I came in. Look here hun, I know you may be one to read this and be all like, "Yeah, and what gives you the right to say anything about blogging. And who gives a rip if you, read my blog any ol' way"! 

6 Guaranteed Reasons I Won't Be Reading Your Blog

 I. Your blog is not that pretty. 

I know it sounds superficial to care about how your blog looks. But, hey, I am a visual girl, and I can't help that. I want a blog that is clear and uncluttered. I like to have a soft place to land in the blogosphere. If I am on your blog and you are placing every single thing on your site, it makes me feel a wee bit squeamish. If I can't find your last blog post or whatever piece of information I am looking for, I am not going to spend a lifetime searching for it.

II. You're a stranger to me.

I'll watch a great mystery on tv, and I actually love them, however, If I have no idea of who you really are, why would I invest in your blog. You are your blog, or at least it should be that way, in my opinion, anyway. I am especially turned off by those blogs that use nicknames, and never share posts about themselves intimately because they're freaked out about keeping their identity secret. Look, I'm a mermaid, so I understand shallow waters, but just as a mermaid wants to swim in deeper waters once she has her sea legs, that's exactly what I want from my favourite blogs. I'm not gonna waste my time if you are not willing to share your life with me like real friends would. Look, I understand that folks want their privacy, but when it comes to the point of me feeling like I'm asking questions in my head, like, what's this girls name, or I have no clue how to connect the dots of your life, I'm out. Also, I have no interest in your blog if you have zero personality. I want to feel like after reading your posts that I know enough about you to connect on some level.

III.  You aren't filling my gap in diversity.

I have to be honest, I have a great list of blogs that I like to read, and they are unusual because I get a little something different from each one. However, If I happen upon your blog and it's the same ol' thing I have seen on a dozen other blogs, with the same views, fashions, celebrity and list of the same ten favourite things, why would I read it? Honestly,  I don't feel the need. I want to see your opinion on specific subjects. I love it when a blog is entirely different than mine.

IV. You rarely update.

Hey, hey, now. Did you just call me a nagging ol' ninny? I am a demanding gal, and obviously, I expect you to update your blog EVERY SINGLE DAY. {Errr...did I say that out loud?} Seriously though, If you rarely post I'm sorry dear one, but I most likely won't be swimming back around your waters anytime soon, if ever. I know I'm dyed-in-the-wool, but that's why you love me so much, huh, huh, isn't it? I knew it.

V. We have nothing in common.

I must admit some bloggers are sensational writers, have amazing photography skills and their site has all the bells and whistles, and yet I still don't read them. Why? Because I just don't relate to them. Don't get me wrong, I don't have to be exactly like them, heck, I even read a few blogs just for the sheer fact that they are the same astrological sign as I am. If you are around my age, have an old-fashioned soul, love the victorian era, old ways and have a rabbit for a pet, those things certainly help, but I'm just asking for one thing in common with you, only one, doll face. 

VI. You can't write.

I'm no Charlotte Brontë, and goodness knows I have had my share of writing struggles for sure. I remember when my first book was published, and I took it to the local tea room to see what the owner thought of selling my books, and do you the first thing she pointed out was that I miswrote a word. I thought to myself, what a grammar nazi she was. Couldn't she find one beautiful thing about my book instead of pointing out my errors? Basically, I, too, can live with many of your mistakes, but what drives me up a wall is basic errors, spellcheck and original punctuation.

There are a great many other things of why I won't be reading your blog, but I don't want you to crawl in a corner, sucking your thumb while you recite, "Find a happy place, find a happy place" like Lloyd Christmas did in Dumb and Dumber. 

I'm tryin' to keep this blog positive for goodness sake. {heh..}

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx