The Becoming Of A Graceful Victorian Lady

"One must admire a man who dares to call it the way he sees it – even though his shortcomings may be the well-spring of his insight and wisdom.”~Mark Twain

The word becoming is a word I'm especially fond of as it demonstrates the method of something happening over time just as a continuous flow of water etches out the pathway of a boulder in the stream. I suppose I find speaking on womanhood, femininity, women inspiring women, housewife, motherhood, farming, artistry, authorship self-development and the likes, if I'm honest, quite exhilarating. For many years, I felt alone in my process. I've had moments of feeling disconnect from other women, and I heard it said once that what we struggle with ourselves is undoubtedly an accurate indication of our soul life’s purpose. Oh my, I wholly agree with that statement. I know I've found my lot, so that's something. As the years have wained, I know so many other dear women very much like me. The isolation, I'm sure, came at the start of giving birth to a lack of love for myself and limiting mindset beliefs aplenty. I have found that anything worth value at all rarely comes without a price.

I’ve been posting lovely small summaries on my Instagram feed of what prevails upon my mind to speak on becoming the woman I am today and the woman I continue to evolve into, which is sure to be a constant voyage for me no end. I look forward to it with enthusiasm; however, there is a tiny bit of discussion I’d like to speak about again regarding how I live daily. It never tires when frequently asked about my apparel, which is average at least three times daily when I’m at shoppes, market or about the village. A fortnight ago, twice, I was asked for my photograph to be taken. It is such a welcoming and delightful notion that the majority of my compliments stem from gentlemen. Women compliment me, but it never fails to twist the magic when nearly all males respect me with doting favour. My beloved gardener is such a dear soul and says it’s because of my stunning beauty by comparison, but I honestly think it’s because of my dress. And indeed, how could I find fault in my dear husband for being so fond of me? I shan’t think so, not for a moment. I manifested those sentiments early on, and they continue to display themselves in constant readiness.

I can’t nor would I state that I’ve always displayed myself with such grace, reserve and politeness, for I have not. I fully admit to losing my grip many times, and quite frankly, I’m not always one to hold my tongue. I’m instead a jumbled mess at times, and I’m sure on my voyage of true north, there are sure to be more days similarly. However, I am a human being and not a robotic stepford wife. I’m not ashamed of it neither. It reminds me of Tasha Tudors' quote where she quotes the famous author Mark Twain as she equates herself to the moon.

“Everyone is a moon and has a dark side which he never shows to anyone.”~Mark Twain

I should like to speak more extensively about holding space for ourselves as women, allowing others to be who and what they are without the emotion of alienation, and remaining steadfast in remembering that most of the Instagram feeds are not factual for many women, simply a scant glimpse. If we can respect women regardless of their subjective agendas, listen intuitively to our hearts, and remain splendid. Comparing with another (most especially on Instagram, where it seems to be quite prevalent) is simply a sign that there's internal work that must be rectified by women, most especially mothers with daughters. This notion is paramount in raising healthy-minded children/ girls, especially girls who become women that will give birth to children themselves. Mothers are essential in rearing confident, free-thinking human beings. I've known women who use the block button on Instagram like a remote control to their television. I wish to speak on this topic repeatedly as many avoid this as a viable subject worth approaching. It reminds me that there is a space for it in this big ole blue marble. For change to occur in the individual woman, we as women collectively must continue to broach the hard and avoided conversations.

There is a significant prevalence of comparison and an impulse to blocking folks on Instagram. I was in the thick of performing research for my book and decided to ask six of my close friends if they would participate in a kind of test for Instagram. What I found was stunning and familiar in every one of these women (who might I add they knew not of one another) is they all had similar feelings about Instagram. I learned many things that will be extensively written about in my book, which will be released next year, but I wanted to share a tiny conclusion. The women who were in the early stages of their transformation of enlightenment had less concerns in their emotional scale related to passive-aggressiveness. All six women carried similar trauma in feeling a lack of freedom, control and authority. I found that women who lack mental power, discipline, and a resounding tolerance for others (because they don't possess the patience for themselves) are most frequent in using the block button technique. Might you view it from this perspective? When someone blocks another, it's not anything to you nor I personally; it's that these individuals haven't found another way of accepting themselves. We most often (if we are the ones on the receiving end of being blocked) have tapped in on the individuals deeply rooted insecurities, causing a trigger to fire within the part of the brain that deciphers the act of whether to fight or flight. The stimulus is discomforting, an instinctual act of survival that invariably is used as a mechanism for dealing with lifes obstacles. It is sure to bubble up in another area of their life. Instead of accepting their lot and being responsible for their reality, they remain victims of their untamed mind. Their resistance to taking accountability for their displeasure is avoided by blocking said person/s. It may be so for a moment but not long-standing. What we resist persists. Dis-ease in mind creates disease in the body. One would do themselves an excellent service if they would uproot the emerging issue, stitch it up and let it heal. This (blocking method) has revealed quite a bit in the field of psychology, and I've found it to be fascinating. Don't take things personally. I hold out hope and healing space for those struggling by sending love unfeigned.

I will bang about this subject until a revolution occurs, for indeed it's springing forth at once. I see the unfolding of it around the bend. The new way to approach life will be a resounding push for authenticity, especially on Instagram. I've seen it play out.

{I weakened and bought a sheet set from ye olde stock shop Walmart, chucked in a scant of chambray blue dye and went to stitching in an attempt to accomplish an extra workday dress. I am chuffed to bits and deserve the word of achievement.

I determined to experiment with economical cotton, so if it was an epic fail, I wasn't out a few hundred quid having disembowelled my Victorian reproduction notions.} 

Do you approve of my efforts?

If you have ever experienced this distinct predicament, here are a few things to tick off to see if there's a matter you might be ignoring within that might do you favourably to latch on and dissolve. Only once we've admitted to something can we begin the process of healing. 

Go through your list of folks on four feed and unfollow those that do not bring value to the new distinctive version of you.

If you have folks blocked, unblock them and feel yourself at that moment. Does it evoke emotion within you? If so, acknowledge the spur they set off, receive the feeling and allow it to pass through you. Often it's merely permitting the emotion to flow through instead of resisting the aspect that feels uneasy. 

And lastly, if you aren't ready to unblock those you're resisting, that’s okay; be easy with yourself, and perhaps come back to the subject another day when you’re feeling mightier in tackling your fears and insecurities. We’re all in this together. I love you each. 

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx