Let Us Halt In The Manner Of Boundary Chatter

A few days ago, I placed a reel on my Instagram feed. I was calling health and wellness coaches to the carpet for the constant way they express that one must set boundaries for the toxic. I feel many spread the erroneous portrayal and arrange complications so that everyone outside of themselves (clients) is the matter in question. The notion that clarifying dividing lines with others implies the problematic issues are with everyone other than self.  

It was such a great reel that I wanted to expand on it.

However, let us begin with a quote. 

"David has his version of the truth, which bumps into my version. His makes mine not true, and mine makes his not true," Tiffany says matter-of-factly. "He said he wrote about our pain because we weren't doing anything with it. When I die, you can recycle me. Till then, it's mine." David Sedaris 

It has become quite ordinary with the spiritual community to have spiritual gurus, health professionals, and therapists constantly flinging out the need for everyone to reach for spiritual elevation to "set boundaries" for the lethal people in their lives. I find it drivel. The words toxic, narcissistic, and sociopath, seems to be the new phrasal commonalities in our climate these days, and I will do my bit to create change where I see fit. I believe that if one constantly feels infringed upon, they are sending forth their self-reflection into the big blue marble. It is not my nor anyone's responsibility to control the energy of others. I am responsible for myself and no one else. We are a reflection of everyone in our reality. If we have matters with others infringing on our boundaries, we create them. We are out-picturing every being we come into contact with—which means a lack of setting boundaries for ourselves. Neville Goddard often spoke that we are the God of our reality. There is no entity outside of us. No older man is sitting on a puffy cloud dangling his feet with a white beard and long hair, laying down the law. Unfortunately, the world has become quite comfortable with the constant barrage of blaming anything and everyone for our problems instead of taking responsibility. 

We are creating the reality in which we live. The universe is a law of assumption. Everything under the sun is energy. It is straightforward; it is physics. We are constantly making all assumptions (about every solitary thing). Therefore, through experiences, circumstances and our environments, we build assumptions based on how we see the world, which becomes beliefs. Those beliefs become imprinted, and we live out those beliefs daily in our conscious reality. They arise from our subconscious beliefs. 

We constantly manifest from our assumptions. For example, remember when I told you in the post about my struggles with relationships with women, explaining in detail that they ended the same? Or the time about why I had such troubles with men because I distrusted them. I imprinted new beliefs by listening to affirmations whilst sleeping (over a year now), which created new assumptions.

One of the affirmations I made was, "all women love and adore me, are always supportive and never get jealous. Women are trustworthy. I trust myself. My relationships with women are lifelong, deep and sustainable." In addition, I created a new belief about men. "All men adore, trust, and have confidence in me. I am confident and give myself confidence." Those affirmations are now my new way of life. Where I would have felt provoked by women and men no longer exist, for I am a new person in all areas consisting of my relations towards women and men and all of the other new beliefs I built. 

I kept recreating that experience for the reason that we all live according to assumptions, often from trauma points. So we play out our internal subconscious beliefs. 

I spent nearly half my life experiencing the same scenario because my assumption about women never changed from the most profound depth of my core. These same aspects will cause us to spend a lifetime of struggle until we reprogram our minds. My attempts to think worthwhile were not enough. One must emboss the subconscious mind with new ways of thinking. This practical solution is performed by listening to new thoughts each night whilst in slumber. 

In my night thoughts, I was brilliant at making friends, but daylight came and washed them away. It was the sustainability of a friendship which bewildered me. Pray ye? My belief (albeit unknowingly in my subconscious) was that all women would eventually betray and abandon me; they would become jealous or both. This old belief was one I held from being crossed many times in my youth. One such experience was when my mother took my father back; after a ten-month separation for attempting to kill her. I was devastated when we had to move back home, and I didn't want to go. I felt my mum chose a man over her children's welfare and ultimately felt betrayed by her. That is another reason I had to create new beliefs about women and men. That betrayal felt like deception, and I began distrusting men in addition to the established sentiment of questioning women (my mother). 

[The delightful news is that I first toiled away on healing my girlhood trauma with myself. After that, I make a concerted effort to place all of the focus on myself by deeply loving and giving myself love. I, therefore, no longer need love from others. Of course, I appreciate the love from others, but it is not a needful facet of requirement. Today my father has been a recovering alcoholic for nearly forty years. My mum, dad, and I have a lovely relationship.]

Everyone's circumstances are quite different. I understand reconciliation may not be a willing option for some. Either way, I do not pity circumstances. I am only interested in women loving and healing themselves. What comes afterwards is part of the voyage. I trust and support every person's decision for their lives; freedom is one's birthright. Therefore, I will continually fashion myself by offering tea, even when one might need salt rubbed in their wounds. There are times when folks need a bit of grit in their superiority diet.  

I went onward to wed a person of equal similarity to my father—a closet alcoholic. My ex-mate was also a repetitious adulterer who was mentally abusive and deceitful. I compared it to marrying my father, so to speak. The recognition is that it all ties together. Life is a twisting and turning tricky business. One must learn to navigate our lives by reverse engineering our beliefs and from which they originated. We must also acknowledge that all problems are not outside of ourselves. When we wield life to our demands and take back our leverage, we will know that our capacities are far and great.

I will pivot by stating these days that my ill-suited ex-mate might be a lovely person. It is not for me to judge; that is to say, my background with a person I knew for over 35 years was not and has not been my experience. I am indifferent. I am quite appreciative of every single encounter, for no one can ever make me cry again. I embrace the tickle from the universe, for it is what made me yield in success. 

Let us begin to understand and take up the charge that we possess such capacity, but to create the change, we must start by accepting personal responsibility for our lives and actions.

May you, each dear friend, preserve your spirit for beautiful madcap adventures. I would never want to see anyone squander their lives from bitter betty rebellion, for we know pride goeth before the fall. 

"When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read."~Oliver Wilde 

 

Toodle-Pip darlings. 

Most affably yours til my next swim, Raquelxxx